News

Shh! Be Vewy Quiet; We're Hunting Doves

Published November 16, 2003. By Al Lazette, Community Advisory Board, Lansing State Journal.
Shh! Be Vewy Quiet; We're Hunting Doves

Now that the Michigan State University/University of Michigan football game is over, we no longer have the chants of "Go State" and "Go Blue" to identify the different camps in Michigan. We must turn to yet another emotional issue to help us determine which side of the fence each of us is standing.

The only topic that comes to mind has everyone screaming either "Hey, they're cute, cuddly symbols of peace"; or "Heck, they're small and fast so they make a great challenge to shoot."

Yes, we are talking about the controversial legalization of hunting the crazed mourning dove.

This topic is such a hotbed of excitement, even Ted (I hope he is a better hunter than he is a song writer) Nugent is rallying the hunters to convince legislators that they really do need one more animal on their list.

But, hey, why stop with the mourning dove. I mean, it wouldn't bother me if you added the nefarious Michigan sparrow to the hunt list. The dastardly sparrow delights in soiling every car possible. Imagine what the thinning out of that population would mean to car owners.

This bird of little use (even less than the mourning dove, which is at least a symbol) has all the characteristics of the mourning dove (small and fast) and you can find them everywhere. Nothing could be better than spending a sunny afternoon in your back yard bagging your limit of sparrows.

Later, you could sit back and tell tales of the hunt and kill while watching that handful of birds turn slowly on your barbecue spit. All this, plus the knowledge that you have saved your neighbor from washing the family car!

Of course, the car wash industry would take a financial hit, but there are still blackbirds (at least until they get added to the hunters' tally!).

Think of the added fun and excitement at major sporting events in Michigan. The national anthem finishes with a flurry and the sky is filled with flocks of doves. Then the sound of a 21-gun salute echoes through the stadium. After a short delay to allow the honor guard to claim its bounty of mourning doves, the games will begin!

I am making plans in anticipation of this legislation passing. I can't wait for opening day of mourning dove season. All my buddies and I will set up mourning dove camp, build a roaring fire, and string some twine to display our day's bounty.

We'll set out into the woods with our retrievers and tangle with the wily mourning dove at first light. Later that night, we will sit around and tell tales about "the one that got away."

Now, where did I put Grandma's recipe for baked mourning dove and possum stew?

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